Onumba.com –– A group of well-scrubbed, high-flying church flag bearers wanted to usher in the New Year and a new Nigeria destined to flourish.
So, they huddled up to discuss how best to achieve that.
But what emerged out of that ecumenical gabfest was an unmitigated hogwash. In their infinite wisdom, prophetic epiphany and collective brilliance, their idea for making Nigeria a better place was for struggling citizens to embark on 100 days fasting.
How about that?
Nice try, but what precisely would fasting accomplish? In short, that suggestion is as hollow and absurd as the prosperity gospel they preach. It is a load of nugatory codswallop from a coterie of pretentious charlatans who, like their fraternal brothers on the political track, are in the business of fleecing folks.
As though that idea wasn’t unhinged enough, one pastor took it a step further to unleash a spate of gobbledygook about prayer being the only route to “solve Nigeria’s problems.”
“It is only God that owns our country. If we can pray to God, God will answer our prayer, and solve our problems in this Nigeria.”
That’s just flatout rambling nonsense.
To opine that Nigerians of both indigenous and imposed faiths pray and fast too much is a monumental understatement. Some would easily misconstrue this observation as the ranting of a loopy unbeliever. But that would be a profound departure from the truth. Please understand me. No one is opposed to fasting in a broader context. However, we cannot pray and fast our way out of this avalanche of woes in a country endowed with a rich buffet of resources.
The floundering, bumbling throttlebottoms at the helm of the country’s kakistocracy are achieving pittance and shoving the country into a tormenting quagmire, underscoring their ill-preparedness to soothe the ululation and grievances of the aggrieved Nigerians. The presentation debacle of the newly minted Governor of Edo State Monday Okpebholo is a vivid harbinger of the seismic calamity of leadership bedeviling Nigeria. The governor openly displayed his mediocrity and lack of poise after being unable to read his own budget figures. “It is confusing me,” he said, awkwardly chuckling before the gobsmacked members of the state’s House of Assembly.
So, given the urgency and complexity of Nigeria’s socio-economic conundrum and extreme impoverishment of the citizens, it would be utterly asinine and straight up irresponsible to believe that fasting is what’s needed to usher in competent leaders to steer Nigeria out of this deepening turbulence. That’s what elections do, for heaven’s sake. Where on God’s green earth, for crying out loud, has fasting been the linchpin to spur socio-economic development?
Scrap all that, please. Rather, a cathartic purge of the parasitic worms gnawing deep at the economic fabric of the country is desperately needed. It is time to get rid of these beelzebubs and numskulls sponging over Nigerian resources. The country is weeping and wailing for a government managed by uncompromisingly committed, transformational, honest and visionary leaders able to hone in on solving problems ——— like the great Mustapha Attaturk, the father of modern Turkey. But unfortunately, the regime on ground today is utterly devoid of such leaders and inundated with perfidious dunderheads. Even when these muppets are caught with their grubby hands in the proverbial cookie jar, they still wriggle out of comeuppance, working out deals to share their loot with the same law enforcement officials tasked with holding them accountable. Crazy, isn’t it?
Nigerians, of course stew over this stuff, but tackling and dismantling the entrenched corruption and mismanagement in the country with any measure of success is a herculean task and realistically out of their grasp. There’s also the grave matter of elections being rigged, and the most recent one flawlessly fits the pattern. But even with all of these hurdles, the collective lack of will to revolt against the menacing plunder of government coffers remains the central reason for this moribund and melancholic posture.
Still, infantile steps must be taken to rescue the economically battered country limping along under a dire security conundrum. A good first step would be to quit idolizing, glamorizing and bequeathing chieftaincy titles, honorary doctorate paean and ridiculous knighthoods on the same guys blamed for wrecking the country. A good second step would be to urgently embrace the words of the great Black American abolitionist Frederick Douglas: “Power concedes nothing without demand.”
Fasting, my fellow Nigerians, is not the answer, and neither is praying. That’s straight up lunacy from the pulpit. But before you throw rotten eggs and mushy indomi at me for blasphemy, please understand that I am a child of God unleashing the truth and a baptized Christian who mean well for the faith.
Speaking of meaning well for the faith, that has become cause for many to jump into the stampede of false preachers and phony prophets to set up their own churches. It appears everyone and their grandmother now claim to be divinely called into God’s ministry, which then allows them to carve out and control their own lucrative religious fiefdom. Cities across Nigeria are littered with a smorgasbord of churches, bearing crafty monikers, portmanteaus and toponyms that are as inviting and seductive as they are misleading and deceptive.
It goes without saying that Christianity is big, big, big business, never mind the goofy pushback by these so-called anointed men of God claiming they are all about saving souls. Yeah right! If they are about saving souls, then I am a flying nun. No, these glib hustlers and heretics are not about saving souls. And they know it. Rather, they are stashing their plethora of bank accounts with truckloads of dosh by picking the pickets of their destitute, gullible, vulnerable and mostly illiterate parishioners who hold them in messianic awe.
These dudes roll like celebrities and live in sprawling, plush pads. They jet around in lavish private airplanes, and own fleets of snazzy whips breathtaking enough to make even a petrolhead feel like a relic of the past. At their homes, massive carports offer shelter to cars such as Rolls Royce, Mercedes Brabus, Lambo and others. But they are clever and nimble at camouflaging their lush and flamboyant indulgences. To evade public scrutiny and tamp out outrage, these schnooks mask their shenanigans under the moral cloak of philanthropic ‘foundations’ established as conduits to funnel food and other humanitarian largess to their grateful paupers. But don’t fall for that decoy. It nicely fits into the broader mirage of distraction to eclipse their epic thievery and maintain a stranglehold on their hoipolloi who fund their bloated appetite for luxury out of their foolsparadise.
It is profoundly depressing to see poor folks being manipulated, hoodwinked and fleeced by slick talking millionaires and mellifluous billionaires whose basic tool of deception is the word of God from the Holy Bible. Some of these pastors have largely become impervious to scandals largely because they radiate false sacrosanct aura that drowns out reports of misconducts and perfidy. For the life of me, these churchgoers continue to fall for this glaring mendacity even though these pastors and evangelists have been repeatedly unveiled as straight up con artists.
This is self-inflcted atrocity. It is flabbergasting for these churchgoers to continue being willing participants in their own abuse. It has even reached the cusp where these scrofulous pastors no longer deny enriching themselves. Rather, they defend their abundant wealth as being divine blessing from God who loathes poverty. That core belief that God frowns at poverty conveniently fits their theology. It offers the doctrinal rationale to preach the virtues of wealth, also known as prosperity gospel, dangling divine abundance as a bait to hook these delusional fools and have them running in circles. But while holding on to the flock in hand, they also seek to lure church hopping and church shopping outsiders into the racket, particularly targeting those desperately seeking an end to their financial morose.
What’s more, these opprobrious and atrocious wankers love to feed their prosperity-groveling “faithfools” the mind-bending baloney that poverty stems from evil spirit to be eradicated with prayer, fasting , anointed oil and holy water ——– for a fee, of course. Their church services typically feature a relentless bombardment of tantalizing bromides, attention grabbing histrionics, and feel-good vibes. It’s impact is massive when all of that is laced around a couple of biblical stanzas referencing themes of prosperity and wealth. These words in the Bible are often twisted to fit their prosperity gospel agenda quicker than you can say pretzels. Big time pastor Kenneth Copeland recently preached: In the gospel, “giving [to the church] is at the heart of breaking the curse of poverty.” And so members of his congregation keep giving, and giving, and giving, and giving hoping someday to break the curse of their poverty. Their chances of finding a four leaf clover are greater.
Taking together, and regrettably enough, matters of faith and spirituality can neither be legislated nor policed. Folks are free to make their own decisions, and regardless of the ignorance and foolishness shaping those decisions, they reserve the right to make them. In the same way, these phony pastors reserve the right to freely roam the feeble and gullible minds of these parishioners for plum harvests and maximum exploits. They have elevated the monetization of Christianity to the epitome of disdain, shamelessness and impiety fueled by an onslaught of deception and low-down dirty tricks. Even as the ‘save the souls’ claim rolls off their lying lips, they always embody the uppity lifestyle of the rich and the famous ———- constantly decked out in the glitziest and swankiest getup such that they would give Dapper Dan a run for his money.
